PS

I'm finding it a huge struggle to assess any of my kids' 'work' at school in my teaching job. I can only just about remember their names, let alone how well they have contributed or whatever (hell, some days I can only just about remember my name. I wish I was joking.). Next term I'm supposed to answer to the senior management team in writing about it all, and I just want to hide under a rock. It's too much. I want to do choirs and all that as well but WHEN? Two days a week teaching kicks my you-know-what as it is.

I just want to provide musical experiences which keep the kids interested and open to music. Why do I have to measure their attainment formally as well? I just don't want to. So there.

what's occuring

Little G is now into turning book pages.

She gets very very upset when you take the baby wipes away from her and if left to her own devices will pull all of them out of the packet faster than you can say 'pooey bottom'. Today she spent a solid twenty minutes exploring the sticker that covers up the opening hole.

Her teeth have not yet made an appearance and she still can't crawl forwards but she does a mean 'downward-facing dog' yoga pose.

I think I am pre-menstrual again. Thrillsville.

Adriano and I keep arguing because I ask him to pick up after himself.

I know he is jealous of me being able to look after G most of the time. I feel for him. For my part I am exhausted from looking after her and keeping the house running. I would rather be in my role than his, and I am very grateful to him for working so hard for us. Also, I am very tired.

Our house is very cold.

I have work tomorrow and the next day. I am not managing to feel any joy about that whatsoever.

G has had one of those days where she doesn't smile or laugh as much as usual and when that happens I always think she doesn't love me anymore. Psycho mum!

I keep unsubscribing from various emails and they don't seem to take any notice.

I liked being outside today even though it was cold and rainy and the piles of leaves have largely turned to sludge. I got my gloves out for the first time this year.

I have been doing a bit of baby-signing with G. She hasn't signed back yet but I'm hoping she will at some point. I've been doing 'finished', 'bird', 'plane', 'food', 'milk', 'home', 'bubbles' and 'drink'. Can't think of any others right now.

G made friends with about ten old ladies today in a cafe. A couple of them thought she was a boy even though she was wearing tights, a skirt, and a pink jumper. *sigh* It'll be good when her hair grows a bit more although she's got more than a lot of babies her age.

This morning I found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with her 2nd baby. Also this morning there was a 6-week old baby at the playgroup I took G to. Both things made me feel broody even though I'm tired (did I mention that already?) and I don't want to feel sick til week 16 again.

I heard this last week that a teacher I used to work with was recently killed in a car accident. That gave me a lot to think about. The friend who told me about it has worked in the room next door to him for 10 years. Today my friend had to clear out his room. She says she feels lost.

Today is my father-in-law's birthday; his first without his wife. He is keeping himself madly busy, presumably to fend off the inevitable wall of grief. When it hits him we'll be there, but in the meantime it can be a little hard to watch. Adriano and his family are all experiencing that dreaded list of 'firsts' that come after a loved one's death. Christmas will no doubt be very poignant; thankfully we have G to help us through. I suspect she'll go mad for the present wrappings and make us all smile and laugh.

Frustration at Fabulous Funky Wedding

I want to give proper time to this post but am chasing my tail with errands today.

Went to Pete and Emma's wonderful wedding at the weekend in Totnes. Crazily we left the house at 4am so that most of the drive LittleG would still be asleep. She was soooo excited and happy when I got her out of her cot at that time of night! She was awake for about an hour with the intrigue of it all and then fell asleep for 2 hours: perfect. It was so cute to stop at the services for breakfast with G still in her sleepsuit and sleeping bag. Awww.

The hotel was lovely, I recommend it. I enjoyed Totnes - have been before but ages ago. But my god I was SHATTERED because although on the whole G is sleeping much better, she had a cold and teething which caused her to wake up 3 or 4 times before the 4am excitement, and I barely slept in the car (Adriano will insist otherwise). Adriano was v tired too after the short night and all that driving. I am still learning to drive so couldn't share that with him.

I loved the ceremony, Emma looked gorgeous in her halterneck green dress with to-die-for shoes (wish I had taken a pic) and funky pink short hair (a true offbeat bride). Loved Pete's waistcoat and tie colour combo and frock coat thingy. LittleG growled, yes growled, with gusto at an important point in the proceedings but luckily only those around us noticed.

LittleG completely skipped her second nap of the day as everything around was so exciting. My back ached from carrying her around and my head spun from so little sleep and from concentrating on keeping the plates spinning with regard to her needs. But it was gorgeous to be there, and to chat to people I'd met on Emma's hen day, and meet family members I'd heard about...

On the tables at the meal there was a great little booklet whose pages represented Emma and Pete in various ways: colouring in pages, poems, music compositions, photos,... loved the idea.

I was gutted that by the time the ukelele band (yes! I told you it was a cool wedding) came along, I just couldn't find my mojo and I just popped in to have a look before slinking back to our room.

In the old days (I won't say 'good old days' because life has never been better than now) I would have taken a ton of photos and been really proud of them, but sadly my efforts this time were a bit distracted (and LittleG-centred) to say the least.

Got to go, G has just ripped half a page out of Adriano's book 'Manhood' by Steve Biddulph. Oops, sorry Adriano.

Nangnangnangnang

...is G's favourite sound at the moment. Usually expressing displeasure, it can mean 'get me out of this cot right now' or 'feed me that stuff faster' or 'I'm bored' or 'why can I only crawl backwards' or 'I don't want to stay on my back while you change my nappy'.

She's now changed her wave to the more delicate hand-opening-and-closing variety, rather than the whole arm shake. Sometimes with one hand, sometimes with two, and sometimes with an arm stretched out towards you. She did it to a lady we were standing next to at a pedestrian crossing the other day, who offered her finger, which G grasped and they shared a smile. The lady said it made her day.

Pegs

Little G has two white lines on her lower gum where teeth are trying to come through.
No wonder she's cranky.

Although she totally won the hearts of the two grandmas I sat next to when we were out today. She giggled with them and flapped her arms and squealed excitedly.

I am quite a baby bore these days, I know it.